Friday, April 15, 2011

A Fool Waits...

And I am that fool today.  I don't think I have ever waited until April 15th to get our taxes done, but I did this year.  I just couldn't bring myself around to getting them done until I finally looked at the calendar and said, "Holy Crap!".  So, because of my procrastination, I am now sitting here with my stomach hurting and churning and gurgling, because I probably put myself under more stress in the last 6 hours than my kids have put me under in the last month.  That is really saying something too, by the way.
I swore, I was not going to do this this year.  So, what happened?  You don't want to hear every excuse why, lame or valid either one.
BUT I wasn't the only one waiting until D-day.  My husband is trustee over his parents estates/trusts that now have to be enacted and distributed and taxes done.  We sent everything off to the lawyer/tax man a few weeks ago, but we didn't receive any of the paperwork until today, well yesterday now.  Even the pros wait until the last minute sometimes, I guess.

CC

Monday, April 11, 2011

The Grass Woke Up

  We got a big storm on Saturday night.  I didn't really hear it, I sleep like a rock almost every night.  When we woke up in the morning though, things were blown all over and needed to be picked up.  The other thing we saw though, was that the grass had woken up from its winter slumber.  Green began peaking out and the ground isn't brown all over any more.  The tulip and daffodil leaves are poking out now too.  Someone mentioned mowing lawn, and I hope it is a while before we have to do that!

Every spring, along with more sunshine and rain and things turning green, I always manage to get a cold.  Well, mine arrived a little early this year and I felt like a truck was running me over about 7:00 last night.  I turned in before the kids for the first time in a while, and that wasn't enough, I slept in this morning too while my husband got the kids off to school.  I spent the day dragging and feeling like my head has been in a fog.  I hate colds.  I tried to practice the two songs I have for my piano lesson, and it was hopeless.  Then I realized, I don't even have a lesson this week because I will be gone.  Had to tell the teacher that.  I did see her when my two kiddos had their lessons tonight and told her the story.

What is the story?  Well, I am going to a class 3-hours away, so I can get certified to blood test poultry.  Anyone who is 'into' poultry would know what that means.  However, tonight while waiting for my darling daughter to finish her dance class, I saw my BFF.  When I said I wouldn't be around the next 2 days, she said, "Where are you going?"  to which I replied, "A class on testing chickens."  She burst out laughing at me.  She knows I am all into my chickens, though  I am certain she doesn't understand how one could be that thrilled with them.  Shall I explain, that a responsible chicken owner/breeder (which I am aspiring to be) should have their flock tested to make sure it isn't carrying diseases?  It is the equivalent of a dog or cat owner taking their pet to the vet to get tested or immunized, right?  So, why does it seem absurd to a non-chicken person to do the same with poultry?  Or maybe it is just funny to her that it is ME going to this class?  Perhaps.

Tax day is nearly here, and do I have ours done?  NO.  I am panicking now because since I am feeling this way, I am just not sure what kind of job I am going to do at getting it all done.  I told myself this winter that I would not be putting it off until the last minute.  But here I am again.  I have been doing our taxes every year since we were married.  It isn't like we have a gazillion things we need to itemize, but it is still a tedious thing to do.  I always hate it too that we never get back as much as we think we should.

My husband came back from 2 weeks in California doing some training for work.  I wish I could have been excited and jumped up and down when he walked in the door, but I couldn't muster the energy for that.  A simple hug and I missed you was about all we exchanged.  He deserves better than that, but it was not my choice to feel this way.

I guess I should go and sleep some more and in the morning I may be up to finishing taxes and getting things set for me to be gone a day and a half.  You wouldn't think it would be that big of a deal, but trust me, it is.

CC

Sunday, April 3, 2011

When I Was Their Ages

I have had reason to reflect on my younger years lately.  My children come to me and share their thoughts and disappointments and worries, and it sort of makes me laugh because they have so much life left to live, yet they are so worried that there is not.  My daughter, for instance, is all upset lately that she is never going to fit in.  She is in 3rd grade.  Sadly, the cliques and name calling and being mean because you aren't perfect (like kids this age know anything about perfect) has all begun.  "I don't want to be your friend because you don't where the same cool shoes I do."  It is so trivial and so immature, but that is her little social world.  Then I remember when I was her age.  We moved the summer before I started 3rd grade.  We had gone to a Catholic school with about 15 kids per grade to a public school that had 25 kids in each class, and my grade for the district had over 300 kids in it.  Talk about culture shock.  You want to talk about feeling out of place.  But I managed to make some friends that year.  Of course, I had the mean teacher who had every student believing that she had a belt in the bathroom where she took kids who were bad and spanked them.  I would like to see how that kind of discipline would fly these days.  I don't think she really did that, and I was a good little girl and kept out of trouble anyway.  There were a couple of boys though who went to the bathroom almost daily.
I think about those days and can't believe it was so long ago. 

My younger son is 12 1/2 and in 7th grade.  He is in the middle of a dilemma of trying to fit in, but trying to be an individual.  At that age, it is near impossible to do both at the same time.  He has those days of being glum and sad about his life, but then he has those days of being happy to be who he is.  I think about 7th grade and my best friend Debi.  I remember a boy laughing at me one day in class because I had a close fitting t-shirt on and you could see the seams going horizontally on my bra cup.  It was a 'training' bra, and they weren't very flattering to begin with, but he had to point it out loud enough so several people could hear.  Well, if that didn't just make me feel like a freak.  It was in Social Studies class with Miss B.  She was quite a woman.  She would get talking so fast that she would have drool coming down out of the corners of her mouth.  NO KIDDING!  She also taught French to those who chose to for their free period.  I was thinking study hall would have been a better choice after the 10 weeks we had that going on.  Socially, I started feeling like I fit somewhere.  Debi and I became best friends and we spent a lot of time together.   So, I am hoping for my son that someone comes into his life soon that will be his best buddy and he can feel more like he belongs somewhere.

My eldest.  Nearly 15 and wanting to drive every time we have to go somewhere.  Driving for him until his birthday means backing out of the parking spot and driving down our long driveway.  I let him drive a couple of miles yesterday when we went to our friends' house to pick something up.  It was just on the back dirt roads for about 2 miles, if even that far.  He was all nervous and being overly careful.  I must admit, I was not such a good passenger, but we made it there.  I let him drive just as far back and took over the wheel just as we got to the paved road.  He got a taste of driving at least.  Now, I can hold it over his head about getting his permit if he doesn't straighten up his act!  Yes, 14 going on 24.  He knows everything.  We (his parents) are stupid.  Sound familiar?  If you have ever raised teenagers, I am sure it does.  One minute he is the mature, helpful, hard-working young man.  The next minute, he is the bratty, mouthy, selfish, self-righteous adolescent.  I don't know how their switches change so quick, but he surely has a switch that flips in a heartbeat sometimes.  Is it hormones?  Is it stress?  Is it lack of sleep?  I have no idea, but there are times when I look in his eyes and I just have to relax and let him blow up, then send him to his room, and hope he will sleep it off before I have to deal with him the next day.
Was I like that?  I am sure there were times when I was his age that I got just as angry at my parents.  Just as angry with my younger sister as he does his brother.  I felt just as enraged at times too.  I worked hard and did my best at school.  It is a sucky age though, being a teenager.  You are no longer a child, but you are not an adult yet either.  You want to be grown up, but you don't really want to let go of those little perks of being a kid.  I remember oh too well how all that felt, and I can empathize.
One time, my brother and I and some friends bought tickets to go to a concert.  It turned out that it became so foggy that to try driving 35-miles to get to the concert was just stupid.  I was still determined that we should go, in fact, I was sure my brother and our friend ditched me to go to it (and they might have and I never knew about it).  I went across the street from our house and tried calling them on the pay phone and my father came over and dragged me home, well, I wasn't really dragged.  He told me I was a fool and no one was going anywhere in that fog.  I was so mad and I went in my room and cried.  It was so unfair, and I had paid for my own ticket too.  Well, in hindsight (years later) I thought back to that night and realized what a dumb ass I was being.  I would tie my kids up to keep them off the road on a night like that.  I was just so young and ignorant and selfish about the whole thing, but it took years to be able to see that.

My husband and I have three wonderful kids.  They are good hearted, strong willed and they can make things happen for themselves.  I know these times they are going through are just part of growing.  I wish I could make them see that this is all just a short part of their lives and they will get through it, that there is so much life beyond their school years.  But I can't.  They have to live through this and like me they have to find out for themselves what is really important, what really matters, and what really doesn't.  So, for now, I can hug away the tears and hurt feelings a little and give them words of encouragement and support.  I can tell them over and over and over and over that this too shall pass.  One day, I am sure they will come back and say, "Mom, you were right."  And of course I am, I am the Mom.

I have been there and done that and I survived, and so will they.

CC